


Wild Time

by songofgallifrey



Category: Bernice Summerfield (Big Finish Audio), Gallifrey (Big Finish Audio), Iris Wildthyme (Big Finish Audio)
Genre: F/M, Other
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-07-08
Updated: 2016-07-08
Packaged: 2018-07-22 08:10:28
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,128
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7426948
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/songofgallifrey/pseuds/songofgallifrey
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Iris Wildthyme takes a trip to the White Rabbit, meeting the unexpected Irving Braxiatel and tries to convince him that the colour pink is good for the hearts.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Wild Time

The doors to the White Rabbit opened and a pair of heels clipped against the floorboards and the murmurs of the crowds began to die down as a shadow loomed over them, watching the figure with the outrageously bright pink hat and heels walk in. There was just too much pink the woman was wearing for her not to go unnoticed since the planetoid she was on usually held a lot of dull colours and to see someone wearing bright pink was certainly going to cause a bit of a stir.

Especially in the White Rabbit. 

“A bottle of gin and tonic luv,” The woman gave the bartender who had his back to her a wide grin, sitting down on a dusty stool. “Oooh, this place could do with a bit of colour!”

Irving Braxiatel turned around. These days he just went by Irving, wanting to keep himself to the shadows especially with all the terrible things the Collection Braxiatel has done. Being on Legion didn't exactly help but it was a damn good job he had Peter Summerfield with him in order to tell who was friend and who was foe. “A bottle of gin and tonic?” He arched an eyebrow at the woman who was dressed like somebody's alcoholic aunt in his opinion, minus the cigarettes. 

“Yes! A bottle of gin, if not two.” Iris continued to grin, leaning against the counter. “The name's Iris Wildthyme.”

He blinked but nonetheless, he complied and poured her a glass of gin and tonic leaving the bottle on the side. “Irving.” He introduced himself, careful not to mention his last name otherwise things could get a bit more complicated and there were eyes watching them but a quick, firm look from him sent the customers back to their usual loud chatter that soon became muffled in the distance.

Though Iris Wildthyme. Wildthyme...why did that name sound ever so familiar?

“Irving! Charming name as well as handsome!” Iris laughed and she took the glass, inhaling the gin before downing it in one go. She let her eyes divert towards his backside in a flirtatious manner.

Irving winced. The Alternative Romana said that to him once long ago and it has always been a painful memory to see her die in his arms, leaving her to regenerate. “Iris Wildthyme...why do I know that name?”

“Oh, you probably heard it on the radio or on the television, though sayin' that, I do have quite the reputation so my name goes go flyin' about time and space. One time I was on radio yesterday-” She trailed off, her eyes studying him. “Sammy?” She asked, almost stunned at how Irving looked exactly like her dead husband. Oh! She hasn't thought about Sammy in a long while, not since she was travelling with Panda. She had given Sammy the best funeral send off a radio host could have asked for and if he were lookin down, he would have been proud.

With plenty of alcohol involved. 

Irving sent her a look of confusion but then realisation dawned on him and he groaned. Out of all the Time-Lord's in the universe that had to visit him on Legion, it had to be her, didn't it? “Oh no,” He gave a dramatic sigh. “Iris Wildthyme? THE Iris Wildthyme?”

“Not sure about THE but I am Iris Wildthyme chuck,” Iris poured herself another glass, unable to feel the scorch of the liquid burning her throat for she has downed that many strong drinks in the past she has grown quite used to it. “I seem to have terrible memory loss recently, but..do I know you?”

“I don't know you personally but I have heard of you amongst my people. Perhaps you are well acquainted with my brother, the Doctor?” He enquired, cleaning a dirty spot on the bar before leaning against it. 

“Whey-hey! The good looks run in the family!” She couldn't help but grin. She has bumped into the Doctor, both in his fifth and sixth incarnations. Well, she and the Sixth Doctor shared something a bit more than friendship but that was another story to tell. “One of these days I might say yes to his proposal.”

Irving almost choked on his own saliva, his skin turning as pale as a sheet.“The Doctor proposed to you?” 

“Many times. Though, what about you? Runnin' a bar on a planet overrun by darkness for the most point, that can't be good for your skin, makes you look like a vampire. Auntie Iris says you should still add a bit of colour to your bar. It's a bit dull in 'ere.” 

“I'd rather stay out of the limelight...” He shifted uncomfortably and he would, especially after all the trouble the Collection Braxiatel has caused with the Draconians and Mims and Rassilon knows how many others. “Besides, I can barely afford to keep this bar running, let alone refurbish it and-” He pointed a finger at her almost accusingly. “I am not painting it pink. It's ghastly.” 

“There is nothin' wrong with pink chuck! I'll have you know that pink is a strong colour of passion and life and what is wrong with that?” 

“Are we really arguing about the colour pink?” Irving's lips curled in disgust and he couldn't quite comprehend his mind around it. He had heard that Iris Wildthyme was full of nonsense but didn't imagine her to be this mad. No wonder their people don't mention her anymore. “No Iris, I am not turning my bar into something like the Pink Ladies club from the 1950's.” 

“Nothin' wrong with that. Oooh,” She bent down and took off her bright, pink heels off. “Do you mind if I took my heels off? I've been wearing them ever since I ran into Freddie Mercury and we did that duet together back in the 80's.”

“Freddie Me-Never mind,” Irving gave a slight shake of the head. Of course, he knew who Freddie Mercury was, but this was Iris who was talking about him and she was completely mad as her rumours made her out to be.

“You still haven't my question though chuck.”

“Which one?”

“What's a man like you doin' on a planet like this?” She jerked her thumb behind her as to indicate Legion that was just out of the door of the White Rabbit. She wondered what the White Rabbit would think of a bar named after him! 

“Ah, well,” He gave her a charming smile. Really, it was a story that even he was still puzzling over at how the fact the two Braxiatel's came to exist and once Bernice has arrived on Legion, perhaps he might finally get some clearer answers. Peter would only tell him so much before he can't even look at him in the eye anymore. “That is a very long and complicated story.”

“Trust me luvie, I do long and complicated.” She chuckled and she finished her full bottle of gin and tonic. “Pass us another gin and tonic would ya? I want another drink whilst I listen to ya tale.”

He blinked and he turned, making her another drink before handing her the bottle. “I sincerely hope you are going to pay for this. I am not charity you know.”

“Oh shush, of course, I will pay. What do you think I am? A thief? Auntie Iris will do no such thing!” She shook her head so quickly that her bright pink hat almost fell off her head and onto the dust floor below her.

He rubbed his temples. He could feel a migraine coming on and that was saying something. “It's not a story I want to tell Iris, especially when there are eyes and ears everywhere.” Irving eyed his customers and although they had their backs to them and were chattering away, he knew they could still hear them talking. Especially with how loud Iris was being. “Legion isn't exactly well known for keeping it's secrets.”

“Legion! So that's where I am! I was wonderin' about that.” Iris mused for she thought the place was a bit dark, a bit rough. She didn't mind, of course, a woman can take care of herself but her bus landed herself here-she had used her randomizer again and let it chose where the bus wanted to go. Then she went into the first bar she saw which coincidentally was the White Rabbit. “I put my bus on randomised mode you see and my bus arrived here. Then I saw your bar and thought; whey-hey! What are the chances of landing right outside a bar?” 

“Not many,” He muttered underneath his breath for there were other bars on Legion but many preferred the White Rabbit. Not only did it sell the best beverages at good prices but it also had the lowest body count out. 

Iris didn't seem to hear him. “Do you run the bar by yourself?”

“I own the White Rabbit but obviously, I have help. Peter-” He points to Peter Summerfield who was prowling the shadows of the bar, his teeth snarling at any of the customers that came too close to him. “Is the bouncer. He helps to keep the body count low and he also helps me to detect who is friend and who is foe. Then we have Jack who is out running an errand for me. He helps me on the bartending shifts when we get busy.” Which wasn't always.

“Why don't you bring in some form of entertainment? Like music or dancing? Oh-oh!” She rubbed her hands together excitedly, her eyes lighting up. “I always love a bit of dancing!”

“I always loved to watch the body count rise up and clean up the blood afterwards,” Irving replied sarcastically. “Haven't you been paying attention, Iris? Legion isn't a safe planet. If I start putting music on or hosting karaoke nights twice a week, the competitions will be bloody. The species here will get jealous very easily if their opponent won and there will be blood. If I was on a different, safer planet then perhaps I would have considered having music and dancing going on in my bar but Legion?” He shook his head before running a hand through his salt and pepper coloured hair dejectedly. “Not here. Besides, I need to keep a low profile.”

“Away from the other you-know-who?” Iris quipped, knowing exactly what he was talking about.

“How do you-”

“I don't luvie! But when I was on the way here, I did here what happened on that Collection of yours, well, his. I'm very sorry.” Iris spoke, this time, her voice added with a gentle softness and whisper, her eyes understanding. 

Irving knew she didn't know what he went through completely but the fact she understood his reason to keep a low profile, to know how once such a mighty Time-Lord who had such a high position on Gallifrey ended up in the slums of the dark side of the universe, that at least meant something to him. “Thank you.” 

Her eyes suddenly brightened. “Tell you what, on my treat, I'll get you a bottle of whatever beverage you like! Oh, you're on shift so what? I'm only here once so why not celebrate the occasion?”

Why celebrate indeed? Why to celebrate this mad woman for coming to Legion out of all the places in the universe. Why celebrate for her arrival? Why celebrate her? 

He didn't have to celebrate her, though. He could celebrate his survival. He could celebrate in the hopes of Romana, Narvin and Leela finding a cure for the Free Time virus like he had set them out to do and have them complete their mission. He could celebrate the hopes that this Bernice Summerfield woman, Peter's mother who he had heard so much about come and help him get off this dump off a planet. He could celebrate in the hopes that one day, one day he could return back home, back to his people. Back to his Lady Romana.

A sly smile appeared and he turned around and grabbed two whiskey glasses and bent down into a locked cabinet that only he had access too, opening it up and grabbing out one of his finest whiskeys before pouring out two glasses. “Then why didn't you say so?” He gave her a cunning smile, handing her a glass and he put the bottle away before lifting up his own glass, dropping in two ice cubes and inhaling the smell before raising in her direction. “To new friends and good fortunes!” 

Iris had already taken half a gulp but she raised her glass, swaying slightly with a wide grin. “To new frie-” She hiccuped. “Friends and good fortunes.”

Good fortunes indeed.


End file.
